But I've been in love 4 times now, and each time, it's been different.
The first time was disgusting. I was desperately clinging to him because I didn't know what a real relationship was. I needed stability in my unstable world. I felt like I would die without him and so I clung to him for a year even when he pushed me away. But we named our future children and he promised to marry me. Of course he never followed through with that and he left me for someone else out of the blue. That was when I went through my first REAL heartbreak. 9 months of denial and writing letters to him in my journal. Then I finally moved on...
The second time it was puppy love that I forced myself to be in because others said I shouldn't. I was co-dependant on him and let my friends and family grow apart from me because of it. I ruined my entire life, but gained valuable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship skills from it. I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship with a guy who really didn't care all that much about me. He gave 10% while I gave 110%. But he proposed to me and of course, I said yes. We named our future children and I promised him I would save him from the world. A good year and a half with him and f course, we broke up. I moved right on to the next boy who I thought could give me the world the others couldn't.
The third time. He could have given me a bright and false world, but I'm a romantic, so that didn't work out. In other words, I made myself love him because my parents and family said I should. He was rich and had his head on straight. But he was also pompous and arrogant. Caused fights whenever he could. I cheated on him with the second because I was dis-satisfied. I cried because I missed the second because I couldn't get over him. I changed myself for him and in turn, made my entire life a lie to myself. But much like the rest, we named our future children and planned to get married. It lasted 4 months before I HAD to stop it.
And the fourth. He loves me for me. Even though everyone (including myself) told him it wouldn't be a good idea to date me, he made it his mission to pursue me. He tells me that he doesn't want to think of the past or future, but I know that he wants what the others want. I love him for him. I've never been more content. I'm not completely co-dependant and I have developed a sense of self. I've made positive changes that I will remember forever in my life because of him. We haven't talked about a future together, but for some reason, this feels real. Unlike the others, I don't see the ending. I never find myself asking why I'm with him or if this is right.
You know the feeling you get when you know something is wrong- Do you ever get the feeling that something is RIGHT? Because that's what I have.
Is love always different or is it just me?
Have I grown more independent because of these relationships? And does that make me less sensitive?
Does it seem a bit odd that the one person I haven't planned a "forever" with is the best relationship I've ever had?
Or is this just love in general?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqpWWMIsar8
